Maybe we could talk in the shower...

2006-01-14T02:00:00.000-08:00

Dublin is so pretty. I <3 Ireland.

Birmingham

2005-11-28T03:04:00.000-08:00

Well well, looks like I've found myself bored enough to write in the ol' blog. (Randy, you and you alone should find that funny). Speaking of Randy, it seems the last time I wrote there was some discussion about me going here there or where ever. AND THEN it seems we settled on me moving to Birmingham. But since Randy has decided to wait until fall semester for school, the issue is again up for discussion. I wouldn't get any hopes up for California though. Not until one of us finishes school anyway. Thats all I'm going to say about that for now.

Moving on. I HAVE AN APARTMENT!!!! I don't live in the hostal anymore!! I live on Calle Embajadores (Ambassadors' Street, in case you were wondering) with Marissa and Ana. It is a way better atmosphere than the hostal, although I am going to miss my hostal going buddies, and Eli (the limpieza). We also have a cat. She is Ana's and I think her name is Sasa. The reason I don't know is because it is scared to death of me, and hides whenever I am home, so much so that I forget she exists most of the time. Ana is from here in Madrid, and speaks limited English so I am getting to practice my Spanish at home. Marissa is in my art history class, and I always thought she was pretty cool.I am going to have fun.

I am finished with my second bought of midterms. Sait Louis has kindly decided that we should have two sets of midterms for every class, including final exams. Apparently people used to go on way to many trips, never come to class, and bomb out on finals so this is supposed to woo us to stay. Everyone goes on trips anyway.Except me because I am poor. And now with mid terms out of the way I can begin studying for finals which start in just over two weeks. All of my finals will be cumulative. Thanks SLU, thanks.

midterms

2005-10-18T03:38:00.000-07:00

I just took my last FRIGGIN midterm, thank christ. they were so hard. I hated life for a second. I put more pictures up on flickr. I really like some of them. I am in love my new digital camera. I wish the weather aound here would get nicer so I could go take pictures. It has been freezing and rainy for days. Up until now Madrid had been experiencing a drought, so its kind of strange.

I have the best boyfriend in the world, and he got a cellphone plan so he could call me all the way over here in spain. I am so excited to talk to my baby at times other than 8:45-9:30 PM and in places other than the locutorio. I don't know the english word for locutorio because we don't have them I don't think, but its a place where they have all these phone booths and you use them and then when you are done you pay at a little counter. Its nice because you don't get charged unless you hit a button to activate the call once the person on the other end has picked up, so if you get a machine or a wrong number its free. also they are really cheap.

So... it looks as though I won't be staying in Madrid as long as I thought. It is way too expensive, and also I am in love and it hard to do that across an ocean. Where should Randy and I move to next year? Any ideas. I say California he says Brooklyn, my dad says they are both too pricey. I would love to go back to New Orleans if I thought I could get a job, but I'm afraid the job market is going to be so unstable for at least a couple of years.

Oh and J.Crew sells cat fur.

hehe she said título

2005-10-10T05:41:00.000-07:00

So in case you don't know I got a new digital camera. I am very excited about this prospect, since now I can... well take pictures. I hate going out to clubs. Yeah, hate it. Every mother fucking place here is like a hip hop club or a house club. Where oh where is my 80's night. I have been celebrating Ramadan with my new Muslim friends from school. That means from sun up to sunset you can't eat or drink anything. I´m hungry. Everynight however you eat alot, and we normally have been eating together. There are some pictures of one of the Morrocan Ftours we've had, and tonight I am going to another Saudi one. It is really interesting since all the information I've had on Islam before this had been filtered through American media. I am really glad for the chance to know these girls because I am learning a lot about cultures I otherwise might have written off. Nothing much new to report here. It looks like I´ll be staying at the hostal another month at least. I am really wanting to get out of there and into my own place, though.

Teaching is going ok, although the eldest Bueno girl recently told me I was boring. I think it had more to do with the fact she thought she was getting out of a lesson on Friday that she ended up having to do. Whats boring about a mother sasquatch being shot down in cold blood by the FBI while protecting her offspring?? Nothing I can see. I also started sessions with the Dra., since she has some sort of medical conference in New York to attend, and is worried about her accent. Soon she will be commenting about the "shahks" and how "wicked" hot it is like every other normal american. I am so glad I can be doing the country of Spain such a service.

Nueva Entrada

2005-09-21T03:08:00.000-07:00

I've been having a lot of strange dreams lately. Mostly about tv shows. Maybe I am going through withdrawal since I haven't watched TV, save once, the entire time I've been here. So anyway, that check I have been waiting for they sent to me HERE to endorse, now they are sending it back to ST LOUIS FUCKING MISSOURI, THEN to my mom. fuck these people, for real. My spanish is getting a little better I think. Some girl from Galicia tried to get all up on this for two days straight. It was very odd. no means no spaniards, no means no. But seriously , how many different ways can I explain to her that I don't like the puntang? Poor girl, I think she has issues. Well I KNOW she has issues, because she is married, and chasing gay dick. Aside form that, everything is going well. The Bueno children are dilligently translating stories about Hatian zombies being sold into slavery (Thanks Weekly world News!), I'm eating well and sleeping even better. I was getting sick a couple of days ago, but I think its over and done with. This is a crappy entry, but really my heart is not in it. My heart is in Birmingham. With a new haircut, that he hates. I think it's handsome, but my opinion doesn't count for anything. In the last 45 minutes instead of writing 200 words , in spanish mind you, about problems in the world, I have been placing random comments on myspace, go looksee if you got one.

peace.

vendejos

2005-09-14T02:33:00.000-07:00

I have no idea if this is even real, but if it is, why does nobody realize Pat Roberts has gone insane? First telling us to kill the Venezuelan president, and now this. Somebody please stop this man from appearing in public.

ROBERTSON BLAMES HURRICANE ON CHOICE OF ELLEN DEGENERES TO HOST EMMYS

Lesbian is New Orleans native

Hollywood – Pat Robertson on Sunday said that Hurricane Katrina was God’s way of expressing its anger at the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences for its selection of Ellen Degeneres to host this year’s Emmy Awards. “By choosing an avowed lesbian for this national event, these Hollywood elites have clearly invited God’s wrath,” Robertson said on “The 700 Club” on Sunday. “Is it any surprise that the Almighty chose to strike at Miss Degeneres’ hometown?”

Robertson also noted that the last time Degeneres hosted the Emmys, in 2001, the September 11 terrorism attacks took place shortly before the ceremony.

“This is the second time in a row that God has invoked a disaster shortly before lesbian Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy Awards,” Robertson explained to his approximately one million viewers. “America is waiting for her to apologize for the death and destruction that her sexual deviance has brought onto this great nation.”

Robertson added that other tragedies of the past several years can be linked to Degeneres’ growing national prominence. September, 2003, for example, is both the month that her talk show debuted and when insurgents first gained a foothold in Iraq following the successful March invasion. “Now we know why things took a turn for the worse,” he explained.

In order to avoid further tragedy, Robertson called not only for the Television Academy to find a new heterosexual host, but to bar all homosexuals and bisexuals from taking part in the ceremony.

He said employees at the Christian Broadcasting Network had put together a list of 283 nominees, presenters, and invited guests at the Emmys known to be of sexually deviant persuasions.

“God already allows one awards show to promote the homosexual agenda,” Robertson declared. “But clearly He will not tolerate such sinful behavior to spread beyond the Tonys.”

nada de nada

2005-09-13T17:24:00.000-07:00

Time zones suck. Currency exchanges suck. The fact that Saint Louis University is basically INCAPABLE of sending me my overage check DEFINATELY sucks. Randy does not suck. The random people coming out of the woodwork who think I still live in New Orleans don't suck. (FYI yall, I live in Spain.) My classes are ok, but HARD. I met with Dr. Bueno and family last night. We discussed the possibilty of my teaching his children English. I think it went pretty well. I have my first lesson tomorrow. What the hell am I going to do with these kids is what I really want to know. I have some idea, but I don't know if it will actually help anybody understand english. My school constantly smells like Fruity Pebbles, unfortunately they do not sell Fruity Pebbles anywhere, as far as I know, on this continent. Ham sandwiches they got though. Oh Lawdy the ham sandwiches they got.

Madrileños

2005-09-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

It is so strange to be so far away from everything you ever knew. Especially one one HUGE part of everything you ever knew is under military control and burning. What the hell people, help New Orleans out. Government is so dumb, get the red cross in there, some skilled volunteers, not the military. God Keep all those people until this crazy mess is figured out.

I got my bag stolen. How it happened was, I had met this kid form Massachusetts named Storm. He plays guitar in the Sol Metro stop for change. Apparently he goes around the world doing this. I'm totally jealous. He does it the way I want to do it but am way too afraid. I had to do everything the safe way, with schools and money. He sleeps on the street. It's awesome but also considering how much I am freaking out anyway the safe way, its probably better I don't live like him. Anyway I'm talking to storm , who is really pretty talented (the reason I decided to talk to him and not scowl "get a job hippy" and move on with my life), and in my quest to get over my jet lag I decide to hang out with him and his girlfriend, Helena. We go over to El Parque Bien Retiro or whatever it is, and drink wine and have beers while Storm plays guitar. We sat with the people Helena just bought some hash from and they rolled some joints. More people come over and there is singing and smoking and much rejoicing. THEN some kind of shady people come over, and really its too much and storm says "lets go over and find where that drumming is from" so we walk around the huge lake with people rowing boats in it and such and towards the sound of the djembes. There were 5 guys drumming out. Storm says they have a HUGE drum circle every sunday in this park with like 70 people. I'll probably go. Helena gets a call form her friend Ram and we decide to meet of with them. Ram looks like a mexican version of my cousin Gregory. His "not girfriend", whose name escapes, me and he were sitting by Gran Villa waiting, and we decide to go to Corte Ingles and buy some more wine. Wine is like not even 2 euros a bottle. We are laughing and joking, and then I realize Ram´s not girl (RNG) friend does not speak english, all the laughing and joking we had been doing was in Spanish! YAY! Language skills! Storm meets some street performers and they say come hang out in this plaza with us. the plaza is in the Chueca, the gay part, but there is a large mix of people sitting in it. Young, old, rich, poor, gay, straight every damn body, but the plaza is pretty big and the benches are spaced out so we pretty much keep to ourselves. Random people come up and ask for rolling papers, ALOT. Storm continually bums cigarettes of the crowd and squirrels them away in the pack Ram bought. Every so oftem Storm manages to get people to share some hash, and he licks one of the stored cigarettes and peels the wet where his tongue had just been. He scrapes the insides out on top of the rolling paper Ram had. He breaks up the ... "pollon" is the word I think they keep saying, the little nugget of hash, over the tobacco, and rolls it up. I´ve watched them do this a few times now. Ram sings Spanish songs that apparently a lot of people know, while playing Storm's guitar. Me and RNG go the chino store, but they won´t sell wine after 10. Luckily what they WILL do is send girls out into the plaza with backpacks full of beer. They wanted one euro a beer, which is rediculous. We talk them into 7 for 5 which is kind of better. I forgot to mention that Helena went home before we ever made it to chueca, she has strict parents. DNG and Storm work the crowd for more cigarettes and see if they can bribe the people at the chino store for wine. Storm doesnt like beer that much. While they do that I have to pee, so I go into the bar across the street. Ram tells me not to leave him alone, but I have to pee so bad I can't wait. I come back and DNG and Storm are back. Now is the time I notice my bag is missing. We look all around. This sucks. With the exchange rate I dont have as much money as I would like, and now I have no bookbag, no spainish dictionary, and my freaking alarm clock I had just bought for 15 euros was in that bag. My digital camera, AND the shitty disposable camer I was using to capture some great photos of my first fun night in Madrid. All gone. The photobooth pictures of me and randy. My little statuette of the virgin Mary. More and more stuff keeps popping up. To top things off, all the time we spent retracing out steps, looking to see if somebody dumped the bag, (the digital camera was the only thing worth stealing in it, so why would they cart it around?)the metro had stopped. It stops at 1:30 and doesnt start again until 6. FUCKERS! Ram thinks it was the Chilean guys we didn't share our wine with, Storm thinks it was the chinese beer girls. I don't care who it is, I just want to go home. We sit around these other people who have a guitar. Apparantly Ram and this guy know all the same songs. Storm talks to this Spanish girl who has a weird british accent who is friends with all the tranny hookers on the other bench. These two dogs run around the plaza, one trying to hump the other, forever. They don't stop. I fall asleep on Storms bag, and DNG wakes me up at 5:20. We duck into some bar and use the bathroom and nod off on the table. In Spanish bars for some reason, the bathrooms are always downstairs, away from everything. So even though the bar was packed, nobody really bothered us on those tables. Storm waited outside, and by the time we came back upstairs he was gone. We went to the metro, and DNG kissed me good bye the eurpeon way. *muah* *muah* Actually she and Helena both kissed me hello that way too, even though we'd only just met. They are taking one line and I'm taking the other. Ram gives me his number, because he wants to move out of his parents place, and says we should all live together. I think that sounds great, and on the train ride home I realize I've only been here for 4 days. Europe is pretty cool.

On a side note, I was still buzzed from the wine and pissed about the bag and wanted to say good night to Randy. When I started rattling off the things missing from the bag I started crying at the mention of our photobooth photo. It is one of the only tangible photos of Randy I have, and it sucks that its gone forever. Randy is consoling me and I'm confessing how much I miss him. And how this day was the only day I had really enjoyed myself since I got to Madrid and then my fucking bag was stolen. I told him I want to go home. How I miss him. He starts crying too because he is upset he is so far away form me when I´m upset. the phonecard died suddenly and we didn't get to say goodbye. If it had lasted anylonger I would havve reassured him I was ok, and said I loved him and goodnight. Instead I had to try to sleep with the knowledge that he was thousands of miles away thinking I was having the worst time of my life and sobbing in a foreign street at 6:30 in the morning. I don't know yet how long I am going to stay. If you ask me to choose right now, I would want to go home to Randy. But I know this city has a lot to teach me, and I haven't even been here a week, so I think I am going to try and force myself to stay a year. Who knows.

Spain

2005-08-30T04:25:00.000-07:00

I am here. In another country. I´m tired. Nobody speaks English. Well some people do, kind of. I´m tired. I am staying at a hostal run by a Hungarian lady. Its awesome. I miss Randy.

walt

2005-05-03T18:57:00.000-07:00

I had a really frantic day, trying to secure my plain tickets for spain, organize the U-haul, conversing with two consulates offices. My day was so tense and hectic and stressful, and then on the streetcar on the way to work I saw it. A simple reminder, there next to the ad for Krystal Burger:
When I heard the learn'd astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.

Just a random Walt Whitman poem, there to inspire urban children, or bring us more trancendentalism on our daily commutes.

trapped

2005-04-30T19:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while, I know. I am not disciplined enough. But since I've been locked in my apartment all day (literally locked in. We have a double-sided lock and I lost my key.) I figured I haven't got much else to do.
Everything is basically squared away for Spain. I got my passport yesterday. Financial aid is all but settled. The only thing I really need is the frigging plane ticket. As a hoot, go look up costs for a flight to Spain at the end of august. It ain't cheap.
Randy and I are more in love than ever. He came to visit me last weekend. It was wonderful. We went on our first actual date that was just he and I. We took the ferry to Algiers Point and got cokes in glass bottles. Then we went to the Hooka Cafe and he got us the expensive tobacco. Then we went to the movies and saw Kung Fu Hustle. It was really good. The day before I tried to cook him a romantic dinner at my house, but I ruined it. Randy, being the wonderful boyfriend that he is, pretended to like it anyway.
We are starting the process of moving away from this fair metropolis. It's kind of hard. I craigslisted our apartment and hopefully somebody will come and sublet it so we can be free of the oppressive lease. Moving trucks are disgustingly expensive this time of year. I wonder if I will have to adjust to living above sea level somehow.

Leaving

2005-03-29T21:24:00.000-08:00

I was so distracted with the arrivals of various important persons of my life, that I have neglected to write. Now that they have all left I am compelled to do so.

Eva and Rachel, two very good friends of mine from Germany, were staying with me for about a month. At times it was a little taxing, but I feel we secured our bonds even more this time, and I was very sad to see them go.

Katie Wynne came and left so fast I scarcely knew she was there. It was midterms week for me, and I felt a little cheated.

Randy, Andy, and Josh came from Alabama for the latter portion of my spring break. Josh was really on the anti-social side. He said he wasn't feeling well. He came off a little rude and ungrateful. He and Randy got in a pretty big fight and Josh left a day early.

Andy was a hoot, and I'm glad I got to know him better.

And then Randy. *sigh* The time I spent with Randy was pure magic. He is such an amazing guy, and he only gets better. Over the course of his stay or "like" blossomed into "love" and I've never been happier. I'm in love Walter Randall Bush Jr.!!!!

Saturday the Germans left, Sunday Andy and Randy (*sigh*), and then today (Tuesday) Adriana moved back to California. I am leaving my apartment. Moving in with Bill. There are strange forces in the air. Winds of change I guess they are. Everything feels funny. Anxious. I have some pretty big decisions ahead of me. I don't know what to do. I just want to hide in bed until they are all made for me. I miss everyone. Especially my Big Spoon.

Madrid

2005-02-28T14:58:00.000-08:00

It's all taken care of. I'm accepted. If I want and can afford to, I may spend the next 3 years of my life in Spain. This is a tough corwd, by the way, I can't beleive I got NO COMMENTS on the fact I have the opportunity to move out of the country.

España

2005-02-25T08:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I received a mixed blessing, in the form of an e-mail. It's amazing the emotions one can go through upon viewing one little electronic message. The subject heading was "Congratulations!". Here's how the rest of it was:

Estimado Matthew,
I am writing to inform you that you have been admitted to the Saint Louis
University,
Madrid Campus for the fall 2005 semester. ¡ENHORABUENA! This admission is
conditional, however, upon obtaining and maintaining a minimum GPA of at least
3.0 this
spring. We congratulate you on your admission and look forward to having you
study with
us in Spain.

It went on to talk bout the stuff I would need, etc.... But that's not important right now. I GOT IN! I GOT IN! I'M GOING TO SPAIN! My main goal of the last two years achieved! THE ONLY goal I've ever had in my entire life, basically. I've succeeded. ME. No one else did this for me. So why was I crying? I was crying because the stress was over. I didn't have to wait anymore. I knew. There was something else though. Now it was real. Now I am going across the ocean. Who knows when I'll be back. Now it was clear that things were going to be very different. And I would have to say goodbye to Randy. And I don't want to. I really like him you guys. I know everybody is going to say "Well you hardly know him, and you've wanted this for so long." and you'd be right. And I've thought that, and he's thought that. But it doesn't help. I don't want anything to change (well it would be great if he lives here, or I there, or both of us in the same wherever). I don't want to forget what it feels like to like him this much. And how it feels to be liked in return.

Here is the real kicker. After I flipped out for like 2 hours, being sad and ecstatic within seconds of one another, I reread the email, and the attachments. They accepted me as a visiting student. NOT as a transfer student, as far as I can tell. Which would mean I would have to make arrangements with this University about going over there, and then coming back HERE when it was over. This is NOT what I wanted. NO, not at all. I want to run away to Spain. I do not want any ties to New Orleans. Anymore ties to America than necessary. I emailed the academic advisor, but she NEVER emails me back. I am going to have to call over there. Lord knows how I am going to do that. One thing for sure though, it won't be from the guesthouse.

I have a friend.

2005-02-19T23:02:00.000-08:00

So much has happened. Um lets see Josh came two Fridays ago and I helped him surprise Collette, but then lo and behold josh hit us with a double shot and surprised me with Joey from P! Adriana and Bill's housewarming party was a huge success thanks in no small part to tequila station. My friend Misha, a foreign exchange student from Georgia (the country y'all, the country), was bombarded with gayness that culminated when I woke up next to him in a hotel bed and was trying to cuddle him. I think he is scarred for life.
Tq's art show was another smashing success (as far as being a fun place to be, I don't think he sold much art). His stuff is really good. I met his sister and her boyfriend who convinced me that going to Hattiesburg would be in my best interest because its up and coming. Oh this lady told me that she is having an art show at the same place for Cinco de Mayo and I totally want to go. Don't let me forget.
Which leads me to VALENTINE'S DAY! Randy was my first ever real valentine, that wasn't like a friend or my mom. Randy got me a dozen BEAUTIFUL roses (also the first flowers a guy ever gave me.)they came with a little stuffed bear too. I cried, cuz I'm lame. I got him a build a bear bunny rabbit, because they are his favorite. And I also mailed him a laminated photo of a human heart that I covered with stage blood. Only true like can inspire you to mail photos of organs. He is really cute, and has a great bellybutton.
I have given up the following things for Lent:

smoking
drugs
masturbation/ casual sex
coca-cola

I totally broke all those vows already (except casual sex). I didn't even make it 14 days, let alone 40. But I am going to area 51* the fact that I broke em and try and make it till Easter from this point on. Wish me luck.

*For those of you who don't know, Area 51 occurs while playing padiddle. When two or more people hit the roof AND say padiddle at the same time, it is considered an "Area 51" and nobody get a point, and it's as though the padiddle never happened in the first place.
** You may have noticed some changes in this entry from its original form. I don't want to talk about them, and we're going to area 51 that too.

Obsessive poster

2005-02-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

For some reason in the last few days I am become overcome with a desire to post here on the blog and also upload stuff to Flickr. I also went through all my old pictures and added tags to as many as i could. I don't know whats uo with me. I've become a picture posting fool. There is a bunch of new ones up there form new years and from when Randy came to visit me. None from when I went to visit him though. I didn't take a camera. Blah!

Its nice to have you... In Birmingham II

2005-02-02T23:54:00.000-08:00

When we last left off with me in Birmingham I had just surprised Randy at his job, and he was beaucoup excited-cited. SO then I had to wander around for 3 hours in this gigantic mega-plaza while he finished his shift. I mostly sat around/ loitered in Barnes and Nobles reading The Puritan Dilemma for my history class, and drinking up all there free ice water with lemon. Finally Randy got out of work, and we were off to the show. The performance space, called Cave 9, was nothing too great. Especially since it was an all ages place that didn't serve alcohol and you couldn't smoke in. That meant there was a lot of young kids too. Everyone was pretty cool though, no assholes. Randys friends were all nice, and Randy's bandmates were the best. I mostly hung out with Angelica by the door all night. The lineup was something this, I'm sure not sure about the order:

comrade (no link for them, I looked though)
Cinemechanica
Recovery Period
The Great American Breakdown (ditto)
We vs The Shark
and of course, Fratelli

There soooo many people (all of whom were close friends of Randy, apparently) and it was a really great show. Most of the bands were not really the kind of music I am into, but Randy really liked all of them and he is way pickier about music than me so check them out anyway. I DID really like some of We vs The Shark's stuff and I always like everything Fratelli does. And I am not just saying that either, I think they are really good. Were, I guess. =(

After the show we went to some Middle Eastern place I think called Al's or something. The guys from Recovery period were there and they were really funny. The place also has a really good veggie burger, if you are in the neighborhood. We left there and were so so so tired. We took home Randy;s friend ?Larua? I think her name was. This girl was so great, she was one of the people that stands out the most that I met. She is a clothing designer, among other things, and when we went in her house she had SOOOO much awesome art stuff that she did. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

Then it was just me and Randy. I wasn't allowed to sleep at his place because he lives with his parents, and they are slightly disapproving of his gayness, so we ended up at the Hampton Inn. That was the first time I had ever stayed at hotel with a boy like that, so I thought it was really fun. We got free toothbrushes and deodorant!

Next day we missed the free breakfast at the hotel because we slept in. It was ham and eggs too. Nuts! We checked out of the hotel and drove to Randy's house. I got to meet his mom, she is super nice. And his cat Marty. THEN we went to Michael's house to pick him up. He is Randy's best friend, and also former bandmate. He is really cool, I like him a lot. After he tried on what seemed like everything he owned and back again, we headed out to eat. We couldn't decide on a place, and we were running out of time before the civil rights museum closed, so we ended up eating at Randy's favorite hot dog place, Gus' Famous ( I know the thing says Pete's Famous, I don't know, ask Randy) The guy in that picture if you follow that link, was actually there when I went. He called me "Mustard" because that's all I wanted on my hotdog (which apparently doesn't go over well in there) Michael was "Beef and Cheese" and for some reason Randy was "Baby". The place is SOOO skinny you can't sit down. Everybody lines up, you order your hotdog, Gus gives it to you. Then you can either leave or eat there. If you eat there (which we did) you go all the way to the back wall and eat your hotdog standing up. When you are done Gus' wife rings you up and then you have to squeeze by all the people waiting in line so you can get out. It was good though.

Then we went to the civil right museum, and it was REALLY cool. I was so glad I went. We had pretty much the run of the place, but at one point we came across a black man and his daughter (she was maybe 8) going through the exhibits, and I was crying right there in the museum because she asked him "Why couldn't those people sit where they wanted on the bus?" and I just couldn't imagine being in that man's position. How do you explain to your child that people hate her for no good reason? You want to protect her from the world, but you also want her to know what to expect. It's just gross, and I hope one day all that father will have to say is "People were strange back then, I suppose."

After the museum we went to go visit Michael's girlfriend, Joy, at work. She is a whole lot of fun! And so cute! We were all supposed to eat together (yeah I was starving) but her break wasn't long enough so it was just me, Randy, and Michael who ended up going to Johnny Corino's. I know it's a chain place, but holy crap! It was so good! Maybe it was just because I was hungry, but I don't know. After dinner it was back to Randy's house so we could get some stuff to sleep over at Michael's. I said my goodbyes to Randy's mom, not before she hooked me up with a glass of wine, and it was time to party at Michaels. A bunch of people came over, most of who's names I don't remember. Codey (guitarist of the Great American Breakdown, I think?), Patrick (so fun!), and Jesse from Randy's band, a guy named Joey maybe?, Leigh Anne, and then like 6 teenage girls and some more guys. It was fun. There was gin and beer. We played The Best Game Ever! (If you don't know what it is, find somebody who does, because its real fun, but I don't know how to explain it in this format.) Everybody left, Randy and I slept on the inflatable mattress.

My last day in Birmingham was a sad one indeed. My train was late, so randy had to leave me at the station so he could go have birthday cake with his fam. (But not before he took me to Arby's. It was my first time there, and woah. I like roast beef sandwiches.) The train ride home was long long long. I ended up having dinner in the dining car, which was ok. I wanted the special, but they "ran out" (even though this guy that came in after me ordered it and got it DAMN YOU AMTRAK!) so I had to have T-bone steak. I don't like steak that much. Then I got home and I ended up WALKING all the way from the train station.

And that completes my trip to Birmingham. There was come cuddlin' and kissin' going on in there, but a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell... in explicit detail. But I sure do miss it. *sigh*

p.s. I hope you enjoy all those links. I was really bored at work.

Stupid Computer Lab

2005-02-02T23:43:00.000-08:00

This was a Myspace message I sent to somebody, but I felt like it was such good work I should share it with you all.

I am at school right now. Actually I'm a little ticked. You see, there are a limited number of computers in the computer lab ( as there are in any computer lab not containing an infinite amount of computers) and when they get filled up, you sort of mill around the door in this blob that should be a line. Well I was doing just that along with a heavy set girl who was before me when Captain Ass Face of the Ass Face Patrol busts through us and proceeds to walk around looking for open computers! Of course there weren't any or else me and Chuckles wouldn't be standing there, SO ANYWAY one frees up just then and Captain goes for it, so I use my body to pen him in between a pillar and the doorway and let Chuckles take it, because she was there first. Just then ANOTHER computer becomes free and The leader of all that is Ass Face takes the computer that is rightfully mine! What planet is this he is from where the rules of waiting in line do not apply?? I would like to reassign his head to another not pleasant location of his body. THEN I had to wait a fitful 45-60 seconds for another computer to free up feeling wronged and angry all the while glaring at CAF. I wish I could speak with his mother.

It's nice to have you here ... In Birmingham.

2005-01-31T08:55:00.000-08:00

For those of you who do NOT know, Friday was the last show of Randy's band Fratelli.They were great, and now they're gone. I had already seen them play in Baton Rouge once before, so I could not miss out on this event ( the fact that Randy is super cute and I like him a whole lot also factored into this decision making process). What's a like-smitten boy to do but hop on the train and get to Birmingham, Alabama as soon as he can. So that's just what I did. In doing so I was forced to miss class on Friday, but I had already told my teachers that I was going to a wedding (if any of my teachers are reading this, I'm sorry for my dishonesty, but it was all in the name of like) . So then it was only a matter of weaseling the right info out of Randy as to where he was gonna be, and how to get there. Ahh, yes, I forgot to mention. Randy had no idea I was coming. So with the assistance of Randy and the internet I was on my way.

First things first I had to get to the train station. I had called NORTA the day before and asked them the quickest way to the Amtrak station from when I was, and the man gave me some route numbers. SO at 5:45 or so Friday morning I dragged my half drunk/ half hungover ass to the appropriate bus stop and waited... and waited... FINALLY after somewhere between 20 and 40 minutes the bus rolled up and took me over to the corner of Broad and Washington. That's the ghetto yall, the ghet-TO. Luckily it was during the wee hours of the morning, though still dark, where the only people up were homeless or going to work. It was at this time I transferred to the Martin Luther King bus. This proceeded to take me through a good number of housing projects before finally depositing me across the street from the train station. The man who gave me this route over the phone was either a sadists or severely misinformed, as that was neither the quickest or most covieniant way to get there. I made the train with about 5 minutes or so to spare (they left a man walking toward the train luggage in hand standing bewildered on the platform even though his wife was on the train already shouting "you can just leave him!". They can folks, and they will. Be on time for them trains)

I ended up sitting across the aisle from a guy named Reggie. He seemed to think I was quite interesting, and was thoroughly amused by seemingly almost all of my actions. I know this because he verbalized it. Constantly. Don't get me wrong, he was a nice guy and all, and I was thankful to have somebody to speak to for the 7 hour trip that felt like two days ( I tried sleeping but I was way to excited to do it for very long). But he didn't really bring anything to the conversation. I had hoped to get him to give me a ride to Randy's work, because he informed me that it was not as close as I originally had thought, but he said he couldn't. I came up with several ways he could, but he didn't seem interested in pursuing any of them. THEN he gave me his number! Why should I call somebody who is so chintzy with rides? Gay boys these days. The only other part of the train ride worth mentioning is the awesomeness of such cities in Mississippi as Hattiesburg, Laurel, and Meridian. There are so many buildings that have none been touched since the 50's or 60's it seemed, I can't WAIT to go on a road trip and take pictures there.

Upon arriving in Birmingham, since Reggie was no help, I needed a way to get to Randy's job. Reggie DID tell me there was no bus to The Summit (the plaza where Randy worked) so I was intent on taking a bus that would get me close enough where I wouldn't have to pay so much for a taxi. A very kind woman pointed me in the direction of the busses and I was on my way. I bought a hamburger at a place around where I was waiting for a bus, and they were even more helpful, informing me I had to go back almost exactly where I came from because the bus depot was right next to the train station. In fact it was visible from where the woman had walked me to and pointed me in the wrong direction. It was then I found out Reggie was wrong and there was in fact a bus that went to The Summit. Randy bear here I come!

I was SO nervous/ anxious for most of this day that my stomach was doing back flips and I thought I was going to puke ( I don't think the "special sauce" from the burger place was helping any either.) I got off and walked in the direction of the department store where my guy was. Did I mention how frigging cold it was? ANYWAY, I walk in and of course Randy is standing right in front. I had pulled my hood over my head so he wouldn't recognize me, but he was staring at my so intently I was sure he knew who it was anyway. I removed my hood and it became clear that he did NOT know who I was because when he did finally realize, he looked like he was going to throw up too. He scared me actually, because he seemed less happy to see me and more in fear for his life. But after the initial shock faded, he took me around and introduced me to all the people he worked with. It was really cute, especially because he just said "this is matt!" meaning that he had told them all about me already. Its nice to be liked.
To be continued.....

Everything's ok, ok

2005-01-19T23:37:00.000-08:00

So for all of you concerned with how my meeting went (Josh) , my boss wasnt even mad. He just said to pay it back a little at a time as I was able, so thats good. But I did have to sign something that said I would stay employed here until it was payed back, which I am not thrilled about, because I had plans to move to Boston this summer. I am looking into getting a second job, but with school this semester, I don't know if I can manage. My classes seem harder than last time, and I am definately going to have to study more. More later...

P.S. I miss Randy.

That thing you do...

2005-01-18T01:00:00.000-08:00

So the long distance phone calls I made from work totalled $2021.87. I meet with the owner tomorrow at 9AM to thruow myself at his mercy. Then I have to go to school tomorrow and see if I can actually attend my classes, since I missed the window of opportunity to set up my payment plan for this semester. And the only boy who makes my heart skip a beat drove a Volkswagen Beetle 5 hours away from me and probably won't be back for a long time. I have to go to sleep. My scabs hurt.

I almost forgot...

2005-01-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

In case you were wondering about the AMAZING changes in this here blog, it was all Jen! She is wonderful! Thanks so much Jen!

I still feel the same

2005-01-08T15:10:00.000-08:00

I have been chastised by some of you for not writing, but I just haven't had anything to say. I am also sorry to have disappointed the person who found my site by searching gonorrhea forearm, as I don't have any answers to that affliction. I will give you a brief update on me since my last post.

I went home for Christmas, saw friends and relatives, got really sick, went to New York with Adriana, went to Boston (so much fun!), said my goodbyes , came back here.
New Years was ok, but I had to work at 7 AM on New Years Day so I decided to just stay out all night instead of letting work ruin my good time, the fireworks we went to see were canceled because of the fog. They showed them next day, randomly and seemingly unannounced, and I watched them from Adriana's porch with Vera's mom. I liked it very much.

I may get fired from my concierge gig, or even prosecuted! On account of the massive amounts of long distance calls I made over the course of my working there for a year. Miss Vicky said the on phone call I made the day she found out costs 40 something dollars, and now she is going to go through the records and compile a list to present to the owners. It would probably total in the hundreds if not the thousands.

School starts in a couple weeks, and I have already had dreams where I've gone and had homework and all the good stuff. No going to school naked, but we'll see.

Randy comes to visit in a week also. I am really excited, but also a bit trepidatious because it will be the most time we have ever spent together. And then also he is going to leave at the end of it. I sometimes wonder if he is right about the whole long distance thing, and it being a waste of time, but it feels so much like what I should be doing, I don't know.

I am feeling kind of burned by Adriana and Bill. They got an apartment together this week, and I feel like I got the shaft. Adriana and I were supposed to live together since forever, but we always said we needed a third person, but never could agree on one. I had suggested Bill, but she said it would be weird, because they were quasi dating. Now I'm out and he's in? What the fuck is that? She knows how much I hate where I live, and now there goes the only two people I would consider living with. All signs point to the fact that maybe its time for me to leave here. I am considering going to Boston for the summer. Jordon has a room open at his place, and he is so fun. I never really got to see how cute Boston was either, since the only times I had ever been there were with Beau and he never wanted to do anything. Not that we could have done all that much since we were 16 and broke. I REALLY have a good feeling about Spain in the fall, so if all of you could put positive energy towards me getting in to that school I would appreciate it.
that's about it. Consider yourselves updated.

What if I can never eat peanut butter again?

2004-12-07T06:45:00.000-08:00

The killer smiled at me as we met in the neutral ground. " What are you doing walking around at two in the mornin?" he asks, eyes hidden behind the glare of his glasses. His knapsack was stuffed with his instruments of torture. "I'm going home" I said, knowing full well my sins were worse than his. I think he knew it too. Creatures of the dark recognize each other there. "Finally?" he laughed, then added "Me too."

As he walked into the unlit park I knew he was lying. Nobody lives there except the Big Bad Wolf.

I recalled earlier that evening when I was walking between the ancient buildings, while being barraged with asinine questions. Why are you trying to know me? I won't ever let you know me. I wore these clothes that I had never worn, trying to be somebody I have never been. I knew I would have to in order to go through with all this. As he led me to the restroom chattering on endlessly, it was all I could do to make sensible answers, so intent on my silent prayers that it would not be inside one of these beautiful structures. He didn't deserve them. I didn't either. Mostly me. Somebody somewhere heard my pleas as we entered something far more modern and beige.

Finals everyone

2004-12-03T09:34:00.000-08:00

It is that time of year, the time when I was for once NOT envious of people who were in college, because this is the time of year when they burrow themselves into rooms and libraries and nobody sees them for days, nay weeks at a time. Perhaps its because I am a Freshman, or perhaps because of the school that I go to, but I am not afraid of these finals whatsoever. This is my english final, for example:

Well first there is a poorly sketched diagram which I cannot recreate for you here, or can I? I'll try to later. But for now, on with the story/ assignment;

Two groups of houses are seperated by the Wambagoochi River, which is totally impassible except by canoe. In the houses on the left live three people: Dave, Jane, and Joe. Joe has a canoe. On the other side of the river live Tarzan and Sam. Tarzan and Jane have been going together for quite some time and hope to be married soon.

One day Jane receives a message by carrier parrot. Tarzan has fallen from his grapevine and injured himself; he needs her badly. He asks her to come as quick as possible. Jane rushes down to Joe's house and asks her to take her across the river. He agrees but says she'll have to spend the night with him first.

Jane is shocked by this proposition and runs to Dave's. She tells him about the message, about Tarzan's request for help, and about Joe's terms for a ride across the river. Dave tells her that he doesn't want to get involved and that she'll have to work it out for herself.

Jane is quite upset and doesn't know which way to turn. Finally, she decides to do what Joe wants in order to get Tarzan.

The next morning Joe takes Jane across the river. She rushes to the tree house to find Tarzan fixing breakfast for Cheetah and himself. He hasn't been hurt as badly as he thought at first. Jane and Tarzan have always been honest with one another, so she tells him everythign that has happened. He becomes very upset, explains he always thought Jane w s anice girl, tells her he doesn't want to see her again, and stomps off in the jungle.

Jane is crushed. She goes to Sam and explains everything that has happened. Sam gets so angry at Tarzan's response that he goes off into the jungle and beats up Tarzan.

So our English final is this. Rank the people involved in the above story from 1 through 5, with 1 being best and 5 being worst, and explain why in an in class essay. I love college.

Letter to Hibernia

2004-12-03T09:24:00.000-08:00

I hate my bank. Here's what I said to them. I hope they reimburse me thousands of dollars:

I am seriously considering taking my banking business elsewhere (which if you check my records is a very profitable account to your institution by way of overdraft fees) You're over draft fees have gone up at least twice, if not more since I have been a customer, and were unfairly high to begin with. Secondly your method of processing transactions is unfair as you process withdrawals before deposits, and then penalize customers for there being a lack of funds which you yourselves have withheld in order do so (penalize). It is a shady way of handling things indeed, and if that is how all banks practice then I shall be forced to choose my bank based on the least expensive over draft fee, or start burying my money in a coffee can in the backyard.
Slightly Agitated, but Nonetheless Sincerely Yours,

Matthew Valletta

Now I'm gonna just sit back and wait for the money to come rollin' in.

Vacation fades

2004-11-30T11:22:00.000-08:00

As the people I love have returned to their individual places of residence I can't help but feel a little melancholy. Its sad that in order to have SO MUCH FUN you have to feel this forlorn when it is over. I slept over Adriana's last night. She and Bill are getting into it again. I think it's a bad idea , knowing how fragile Adge's little heart can be. Then Bill and I woke up early. I woke up to the morning and then in rolled the church bells. I was like being kissed awake. I want to live by a church that chimes the time away. Not two minutes later Bill was awoken by the alarm of his Nokia cell phone. Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep, as it vibrated against the table. I think it's safe to say we are going to have VERY different days. I took a little nap when I got home and I had a dream that me and bill and adriana all were working back stage at some pop performance. I had gotten the word the performer (it may have been Tatyana Ali, but I don't know) was going to be arrested. I wasn't supposed to tell her, but being a loyal crew member I did. Then we were all sitting back stage waiting for the police to come get her, when Joey from P came through the curtain. He had moved back here. He was going to live at Adriana and Vera's. That was the surprise Bill had told me I was going to get. (Bill actually did tell me yesterday I was going to get a surprise in the next few days, and all last night Adriana BEGGED me to let her tell me. She is the worst secret keeper ever). Then I woke up to IM's from my sweet sweet Alabama rock star. I should be showering and getting ready or school but I don't think I'm gonna. Shower that is, it's finals this week and next so I gotta go to school.

The Atlantic was bored today...

2004-11-18T11:55:00.000-08:00

Today the silence of early morning has some how kept its grip all the way up till now which is about noon. It is gray and wet, somewhat chilly, but not in a bleak depressing way. Its as if the world is taking a nap. The stillness permeates everything on campus. All the buildings seem more quiet than normal, as if we are all observing an indefinite moment of silence. It's been raining off and on but even that seems slowed down and more reverent. As if the clouds waver between the desire to hold the rain and not, and barely notice they've let it go. The rain too seems like its taking is time to hit the ground, like it hasn't any destination in particular, and if fact could go right straight back up if it didn't require just that much more effort than coming down. It is tranquility at its finest.
I have been napping off and on ever since I spent all night at work typing a paper for an 8 o'clock class they ended up canceling. My next class isn't until 1:30 and I haven't got a thing to do. I've been coming in and out of this computer lab and then getting disenchanted and going off to read. I'm wearing the zip up sweater that Bill got me last Christmas, and I've over the course of the day slowly come to realize it smells ever so slightly of cat pee. Rather than being disgusted, its almost become a comforting aroma. I'm sure the people that are getting close to me however would disagree. I've finally finished The Fountainhead (also known as the Miss Vicky book) and I must say that although I don't necessarily agree with everything Ayn Rand says (I think being born in turn of the 20 th century Russia made her a LITTLE bitter) , she is definitely a gifted writer and makes quite a few valid points. Here's a little taste of why I like her, this is from her posthumously published journal that she kept while she was piecing together the fountainhead:

Feb.27, 1937

Initial question: a librarian writing about library building, insists that libraries must be made to look as accessible to the public as possible- to "bring the library nearer to the people" "Spacious and inviting entrances are placed at grade level, close to the public thoroughfare, with as few steps as possible between the pedestrian and the building." This may be quite sound in relation to library architecture, but the question it raises in a more general sense is this: is it advisable to spread out all the conveniences of culture before people to whom a few steps up a stair to a library is a sufficient deterrent from reading?

What a pistol. What with my book finished there isn't much left to do at all except nap and go online. I've been day dreaming on and off about me growing older, and what it will be like. Sometimes Randy is there and we are chasing a tottering two year old across the grass of some park. Sometimes I am an old man sitting alone in a cafe watching people much like my friends and I are now and smiling knowingly to myself recalling all of the antics of my youth. Sometimes I am home in Rhode Island doing something sensible after having sowed my wild oats, and other times I am back packing through Spain, or Bali, Thailand, whatever country I saw last in the national geographic. I am not worried or anxious what will become of me, because I know that where ever I end up, it will be what I have chosen.

no posts

2004-11-11T07:48:00.000-08:00

I am too busy to write. Or too busy to have any experiences worth writing about. There is this boy. He lives in Alabama. Alabama is far away, but this boy is so cool that Alabama feels close. He made me a mix tape. I felt like he was there with me when I was listening to it. Don't scrunch up your nose at mix tape either. I think it was the single most romantic gesture of my life. I am temporairly living with Adriana, and it is so fun. Tom doesn't even know I moved out. I'm not gonna tell him either. I have to move back anyway. Its like I'm on vacation but not really. Speaking of vacation, I know a quartet of san franciscan hotties that are about to have an AWESOME one. Thanksgiving this year is gonna be HOT folks. You are offically invited if you think we are good enough friends, or you are attractive and don't eat much. More later.

Nobody buys matches. People find matches.

2004-10-18T07:16:00.000-07:00

This weekend was memorable in the regard that I forgot most of it. I gave myself a three day weekend by accident by drinking too much at 80's night and not waking up in time for class on Friday. Whoops. (on a side note, I think its very rude when you sneeze and nobody says "Bless you")

Friday night Adriana and I FINALLY got to hang out just us. We contemplated going to the movies, but then we just sat around and watched TV. What fun it was.

Saturday was VooDoo Fest. Tom got me free tickets ( he was supposed to get me free back stage passes, but reneged at the last minute. Next time Mike D, next time) I caught the tail end of Sonic Youth, The Pixies, and the first portion of the Beastie Boys. Tom gave his friend Eric the only back stage pass, so he had to keep bringing us free beer and SoCo at our whimsy. I had a good time, though I won't go into detail about the time restraints enforced on me by outside entities. Besides it was free. I miss Bradley's birthday party (sorry Brad), but managed to somehow get Adriana to my house and we got to hang out AGAIN! WOOO! I also smoked pot for the first time in like a million years, and played scrabble.

Sunday I had to work, but not too early. Adriana made a bangin lunch/breakfast for us and then we were off. At work there was all this left over food from some event or another, and I was instructed to eat as much of it as possible. Not one to take the responsibilities of my job lightly I proceeded to house a platter of chicken salad sandwiches. BILL LIMA came home! With Greg by his side, they trekked across this great land of our and made it back to this sinful sauna I call home. Casey and Caitlyn went back to North Carolina today, so we had to see them off right. Couple that with a welcome back Bill evening, Casey's birthday, and Greg's first night in New Orleans and you can see that we were morally obligated to get drunk last night.

Alcohol is fun.

Oh Lima, where art thou

2004-10-13T07:13:00.000-07:00

I heard he was coming on the 15, then the 20th, now the 16th he assures me. I miss the big lug, and Adriana does too whether she freely admits it or not. He is DRIVING down here, which I am a little worried about. Bill Lima driving solo for 1400 plus miles. He might cash in his chips and decide to live in Virginia or something.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOO excited for thanksgiving. SO SO SO. Its kind of sad because it's so far away. But as my dad (and I'm sure yours too) always said "It'll be here before you know it" I catch myself saying things like that. Daddyisms. Is it because I am getting older and realize the truth of what he says/said, or has he brainwashed me? I think it might more be that his phrases are shorter and more to the point than anything I could come up with on my own, and also they resound in my soul, making remember what it was like to be home. Where is home now?, I often wonder. It is found I think most frequently in the smell of wood burning stoves, mixed with fallen leaves, apple trees, and the crisp (but not bitter) chill of the fall. Also it is in my mom's lasagna and in the sound of her trying not to sound worried in her phone messages. It is in the sage advice of my father coupled with his inescapable bearhugs. It is in the giddiness of my sister, and the softhearted teasing of my brother. It is in the laughter of every single one of my friends. My dad sold our house this past winter. I wasn't there to see it go, but its just as well. When I visit this time around for the holidays, it will be my first that hasn't taken place in that house in over 18 years. The first 5 or so were in our old house in Johnston, but I don't even remember those. So it is as my own home I face the world. Like the turtle I carry my home on my back, a rag tag assemblage of memories in assorted colors, sounds, and smells, no one building could fit them anymore anyhow. In this way it is true that you can't go home again, because you can never leave.

Can boys get cramps too?

2004-10-01T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am so exhausted. Really. This week was the longest one in my whole life I think. I was working doubles and extra half shifts and coming in on my day off, while failing test after test. I am so tired. I have only been home like 4 times this week I think. I can smell my feet while sitting in this chair. Thats so gross. Also people keep audibly sucking snot through their noses and into their throats all around me.
The weather is turning beautiful, and this weekend there is so much I want to do. But I think I may just end up sleeping and trying to quickly distance myself from this week. Sleep is like time travel, except you only get to go into the future.

2004-10-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

The first sound Zahara Abdulkarim heard when she woke that last morning in her village was the drone of warplanes circling overhead. Then came gunshots and screams and the sickening crash of bombs ripping through her neighbors' mud-and-thatch huts, gouging craters into the dry earth. When Abdulkarim, 25, ran outside, she was confronted by two men in military uniform, one wielding a knife, the other a whip.

They were members, she says, of the Arab militia known as the Janjaweed, which over the past 18 months has slaughtered tens of thousands of black Africans like Abdulkarim across the western Sudanese region of Darfur. Another man, rifle in hand, was standing over her husband's body while others set fire to her home. Two of the intruders, she says, grabbed her and forced her to the ground. With her husband's body a few yards away, the men took turns raping her. They called her a dog and a donkey. "This year, there's no God except us," Abdulkarim says they told her. "We are your god now." When they were finished, one of the men drew his knife and slashed deep across Abdulkarim's left thigh, a few inches above her knee. The scar would mark her as a slave, they told her, or brand her like one of their camels. By nightfall, says Abdulkarim, more than 100 women in the town of Ablieh had been raped and dozens of people killed, including two of her sons, four of her in-laws and her husband. The only survivors in her compound were Abdulkarim and her son Mohammed, 6. "They also wanted to kill me, but when they saw I was pregnant, they released me and let me live," she says. That was eight months ago. Sheltering in a refugee camp in neighboring Chad, Abdulkarim, her baby Mustafa playing in her lap, says she will never go home.

For Darfurians like Melkha Musa Haroun, the horrors they have witnessed will never fade. After an attack last year she fled with her four children and spent eight months hiding from the Janjaweed, walking from village to village until she found refuge in a camp. Now, one year later, she recalls watching Janjaweed fighters on a rampage deciding whom to kill. A fighter unwrapped swaddling cloth and rolled a newborn baby onto the dirt. The baby was a girl, so they left her. Then the Janjaweed spotted a 1-year-old boy and decided he was a future enemy. In front of a group of onlookers, a man tossed the boy into the air as another took aim and shot him dead. "It was the worse thing I ever saw," Haroun says softly, casting her eyes downward as she hugs her baby tightly to her breast.

The war in Darfur, say government insiders and opposition figures, is a proxy battle for power in Khartoum. "This is a war that the rebels want to fight inside villages," says El Tijani Fedail, Sudan's Minister of State for Foreign Affairs."In very rare situations we may bomb and kill civilians. If the Americans do it, they call it collateral damage, don't they?"

An evacuation in time saves none....

2004-09-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying that I do not regret evacuating per se. Nobody could have known exactly what the hurricane had planned, and I am not really ready to die as of yet. There is so much I want to do first, like start a cult, see Africa, and get drunk a few more times. The list goes on and on. However, sitting in traffic sucks. Sitting in traffic for 20 hours REALLY sucks. It took us twenty hours to get from New Orleans to Houston. Look at a map folks, that's fucking insane. 11 of said hours were getting from New Orleans to BATON ROUGE.

I was in a car with two girls and a dog. Being confined in close quarters with people for almost an entire day while fleeing for your life really teaches you a lot about other people, and also about yourself. For example I learned I could grow to hate someone so much as to wish they stayed behind in a hurricane and had taken their chances. (While letting me use their car to flee.) But then after all was said and done I feel much closer to her now and no longer pray for her demise. I also learned Adriana and I are great friends, and I would do anything with her. Including running for my life and being a refugee in Texas.

They told us to pack only the things that were most important to us and get the hell out of dodge. I took three changes of clothes, my new chucks, all of my pictures, this here laptop, and Amanda's stuffed pig and was ready for the worst. Adriana took a guitar, her favorite jeans, her photo albums, and some cosmetics and together we took what we thought might be one last look at our lives and then sat in traffic for what seemed like eternity. Vera kept complaining about the traffic, and saying she felt like just turning around and going back... Over and over and over again until I grinned as I pictured a 25 steel rod whizzing through the air on Ivan's forceful breath and easing gracefully through the front of her skull. This never happened of course. Instead we had to get off the traffic ridden interstate at least ten times, because she had to pee, or eat, or get gas (despite the fact that for the first 11 hours we had not even gone through a quarter of a tank. ).

Texas was pretty much as I expected it to be. EVERYONE had a Bush/Cheney '04 bumper sticker and every gas station we went into smelled of fried chicken and had a woman with impossibly high hair working behind the counter. Houston itself was a typical metropolitan area, and I spent the better part of an hour using the internet to try and locate good bars for us to go to. It was kind of a big let down, as most cities probably will be compared to here. We ended up randomly finding the Franz Ferdinand after party, and proceeded to go there and get drunk (except Adriana, who is not drinking anymore) You'd be surprised what a good pickup line "So, we're refugees from New Orleans fleeing the hurricane, wanna make out?" is. (for the record " Hey my name's Ivan, think you can handle this category 5?" is not as successful.) We were supposed to go to some kid's house for an after after party, but he gave us a fake number (or Adriana put it in wrong, if you're asking her). So I being the drunk boy wonder that I am, make them take us BACK to the Franz Ferdinand party to which I begin shouting at people, ordering them to tell us where the party is. Included in my victims was, you guessed it, Glasgow's IT band of the moment, Franz Ferdinand. They told me they were tired and going back to the hotel and I called them liars and proceeded to further pump them for information about "the party". That was when they began ignoring me and I made my way back to Vera's car defeated. The girls decided they were hungry and I decided I should drink more , so as they drove to Denny's I was rifling through the trunk for more INCREDIBLY hot Miller High Life that had been cooking in the trunk for well over two days. It tastes like apple cider kind of. That was when I accidentally popped off the lid to the gallon water jug that was also back there and soaked dozens of my pictures.

So to sum this all up, I drove 20 hours to save my life and my photos from a hurricane that never came, then got drunk and destroyed said photos, which would have been fine if we had just stayed home in the first place. I did however get some really cute t shirts at the best thrift store ever, along with a hand painted glass jar that has quaint flowers accompanied with the word "nipples" imprinted on it for no seemingly rational reason what so ever. I love Texas.

Love that new blog smell

2004-09-10T08:14:00.000-07:00

Ok so I am experiencing some major blog envy since Jen made Colette's
page all funky and new!! Meanwhile it took me an hour to read some intro to html page just to figure out how to make Colette's and Jen's names become links to their respective pages. I'm sure there is an easier way to do this using the blogspot software, but I couldn't figure it out. And besides, I learned how to do this.

STD's

Ghonorrea
- characteristics:
  - burning sensation when you urinate
  - foul smelling discharge

And its always important to know how to make lists and sublists.

See that battery there

2004-09-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

I love school more and more each day. David Sedaris is in my English book, and we read the story of the French Class today.

This morning when I got to spot where I wait for the Elysian Fields, I wondered why everyone was standing around the bench and not actually sitting on it. I briefly contemplated that perhaps someone had urinated on it or something along those lines, but then decided I was too tired to care, so after looking it over to try and avoid the wet spot that may or may not be there, I sat down. Big mistake. Out of nowhere this homeless man shoots out of the crowd and sits by me. He begins talking, I assumed, to himself but then calls for my attention. It was from that point, until seemingly the end of time, I was talked at incessantly by... Sir Cat. I know it is written out like that because he showed me the jailhouse-esque tattoo of it on his forearm. He told me countless intersecting stories that I faded in and out of attentiveness toward (as it was 6:45 in the morning, and he was, I am pretty sure, insane) . Each story was basically endless because not only did they spur substories, but included the date and address at which any item in the story was purchased by him. e.g. :

" He stole my radio, I bought that radio for five dollars over at the thrift store on West Jeff and Washington... "

Picture these anecdotes in abundant tirades, and that was the gist of my morning. When he was FINALLY finished with a story he began pointing at things in our immediate vicinity in plain sight and describing them in extensive detail until another story was spawned from the discourse. I sat clutching the bus stop bench for dear life and praying for any end to this, the single most lengthy uncomfortable moment of my life. But when it was over and the bus arrived, I still felt the need to say goodbye to him, as though we were friends and I had enjoyed his company. I really need a car.

$$$

2004-09-01T07:43:00.000-07:00

I suck at saving money. It is damn near impossible for me to do it. I don't even buy like fancy things or anything. I spend most of my money on food. Oh and alcohol, sweet sweet alcohol. So this afternoon I have to hide from my roommate so he wont ask me for the rent money, because I can't give it to him until tomorrow. I usually am pretty good at this, but something tells me I might trip up this time.

It occured to me that I started this blog at the worst possible time in my life, because I am so retardedly busy with work and school that I am always too tired to have anythign insightful to say. So I'll just say this. Wrap it up before you smack it up. Drive safe, God bless.

you don't know what those kids are carryin these days

2004-08-29T20:33:00.000-07:00

and so it was last night I started to realize why the night and darkness are usually associated with evil, fear, the devil, etc... I was stir crazy in my own house. Riddled with dissatification self doubt and other such things I franticly searched for something to do. Filled to the brim with "the loud thoughts" and anxiety, I put some clothes on and went outside, only to realize I had nowhere to go. I need a phone.

maybe we could talk in the shower

2004-08-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

I handed in my first college type assignment today. It was for my English class. I was supposed to be a page from our non existent autobiography. My paper ended up being a little more personal that I wanted it to be, I almost didn't want to hand it in. Who is this woman I hardly met to see me so naked? But I gave it to her anyways, because I don't want to fail and I didn't write anything else.

I am going to be spending a lot of time in this here computer lab I can already tell.

I was walking down royal street last night and some broad playing a guitar in front of the Danske store was playing Angel by Sarah M. It made me think of Amanda and how she never wanted to listen to it on the radio. Actually every time I hear that song that's what I think of. But I stopped and listened, and then turned back and put a dollar in her box. I think Amanda would have too.

I like the way he looks at things.

2004-08-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

Isn't it weird how things go down? I can't remember the last time I wrote anything on here, but as I sit here in the computer lab of the college I now attend, I can't think of anything I'd rather do. Could it be because my next class isn't for another 4 hours? Yes, I suppose it could. Also all the fun kids from my San Francisco trip have little journals and blogs and hoo-wah, so why not me? I fall in love at least 15 times a day. My heart races and I get nervous and my palms sweat and I have to look away from him (whoever he is this time) I fall in lust at least 20 times that amount. I guess you might call it boy crazy. I just think I appreciate beauty. In boys. No thats not true. I stop and smell flowers a lot too. And stare at bugs, and clouds. I think my infatuation with boys is just because they provide the most stimuli. You can gaze at them, smell them, taste them, hold them all while they do it back to you. I am just impulsive. Or maybe I'm a slut.

11 minutes

2003-05-07T01:14:00.000-07:00

I am at work. I think most of my enteries will be added while at work, since I have a lot of free online time here. Today was a bad day, heralded by the breaking of my umbrella on the way into work. Being literally screamed at by my boss for no other reason then to releive his stress. (yikes, what an emotional man.) No I dont mean to paint a negative picture for anyone. I love New Orleans. New Orleans loves me. I am so tired. I can't write.

the big easy

2003-05-06T10:22:00.000-07:00

I am back. and better than ever. I have moved 1400 miles from home and my life has changed....or has it. I dont know if I was momentarily distracted by my new surroundings just long enough to think I was going places, or if I actually do like it here and feel better about myself. I'll tell you one thing though, boys sure do suck.

fight fire with fire...

2002-11-13T01:34:00.000-08:00

Yay hooray, I'm back. What am I doing? I got fired from the mall. I work in a non mall now. sooooooooooooooo different. Do I want to go to New Orleans? What do I do about the baby? Oh dear. How boring and dreary is this mortal coil. The stuff thats fun is the stuff I shouldn't like, and EVEN that gets boring. I think maybe New Orleans might be good for me. blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.